I'm fighting for health, for life.
I'm struggling right now and right now I cannot get better.
[i used to be thin--now, i am not]
But I know it's there.
Right now, I just need to count.
And watch, and run, and purge.
But I am not proud.
I am suffering.





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“The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me. It doesn’t hurt enough to make me forget. One moment of relief is never long enough to keep the voices in my head from stealing my peace. Oh, control, it’s time, time to let you go. Perfection has a price, but I cannot afford to live that life. It always ends the same; a fight I never win. Oh, control, it’s time, time to let you go. I’m letting go of the illusion, I’m letting go of the confusion. I can’t carry it another step. I close my eyes and take a breath. I’m letting go, letting go. There were scars before my scars, love written on the hands that hung the stars. Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me. Oh, control, it’s time, time to let you go…”

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